but that didn't happen.
see, I'm not playing tourist. and it's made my first time in this city feel kinda anticlimactic. i mean, I've been to east village, west village, midtown, soho, TriBeCa, little Italy. i've eaten a Molly's cupcake, a new york slice, a levain cookie. i've seen broadway, Times Square, the Met. i've gotten views of the Empire State Building, freedom tower, etc.
but I've taken zero pictures.
one because i really don't want to look like a tourist.
Two because I'm still in denial that I'm actually here and that this is my new reality.
(it's all very surreal).
but really...I'm looking at everything rather unromantically. Less dreamy vacationer, more potential resident.
i'm feeling out the city I suppose. Asking questions like where's the subway line. what are the good restaurants. where do you avoid tourists. how do you catch a cab. how far is walking a block versus an avenue. where's the best place to get groceries. etc/infinitus
so, no, it doesn't feel real and I haven't had this big breathtaking moment of realizing I'm in New York or really suddeny falling in love with it.
but.
it also doesn't scare me. somehow, it all feels familiar. and easy. and I'm like, "yeah, okay, I'm living here. nbd."
I'm sorry that I can't really explain it, this disbelief matched with indifference. It's not what i expected, but it's all sorts of familiar too.
it's beautiful and gritty and loud and busy and intimate and diverse and impenetrable and colorful and active and lazy and huge and small all at once.
i don't hate it here. i'm not scared to be here. I think I can make it here. it's just a city after all. and while that may not exactly be ten parts enthusiasm, it's still something.
right?
I appreciate your straightforward explanation of it. It is kind of funny how we romanticize some places, when they are really just another place on earth. And thank you for not pretending your experience is what it's not.
ReplyDeleteI remember feeling some of the same things—like this isn't what I expected—when I went on a study abroad to Spain. But it was interesting and eye-opening in ways I didn't expect. But a lot more like normal life than I expected, too.