Monday, July 14, 2014

manic monday

i have a very restless mind. seriously, i should probably learn to meditate because at the speed my brain is running i'm getting exhausted trying to keep up. but this summer has been RICH (is that a thing?) and i'm excited about everything i've done, am doing, and will do. cuz, you know, #life.

so. since i'm bored. and it's a monday. and i couldn't sleep last night cuz my mind was going a mile a minute (that, and my sunburn). and i just like to talk. and blogging is like talking. so, since all of that, here's a little of what's been on my mind. and is on my mind. and is better than working on monday.

fresh on the mind: i saw this one-woman show called "the other mozart" which is the true story of Mozart's forgotten sister, also a musical prodigy who wasn't allowed to be anything because #sexism. it was a really beautiful, tragic, funny story that should definitely be a movie and told everywhere because it was just that awesome. and i can't stop thinking about it. 

most anticipated summer movie: dawn of the planet of the apes. i hate it, but i secretly love it and i just have to see it, okay? so that will be happening.

best thing since sliced bread: tater tots. i'm seriously obsessed and i may need to get some immediately...

the final countdown: laura is coming back to me, finally and forever. she'll be in the US of A august 2nd and in my neck of the woods a couple weeks later. i plan on introducing her to the world through a carefully detailed plot known as Operation: Reintegrate Laura.

favorite book of the summer: this is not a test by courtney summers. it's a book about the zombie apocalypse, but it's not a zombie book per se. it's actually super thought provoking and eery and immediately absorbing. so just read it. cuz i said so.

constant obsession: shorts. always and forever. i just...i love shorts (sorry, ma). my friend thinks she's never seen me wear the same shorts twice. this is an exaggeration but...maybe only a little. no judgment.

best summer tune: come with me now by the kongos. i listen to it too much. but, hey, it's better than fancy (lol jk i listen to that one too)

what i wish i could watch: jurassic park. that movie is everything. and it would be even more everything if i could watch it outdoors on the big screen with hundreds of other people who just get it. sigh. a girl can dream.

best summer snack: i am always in the mood for potato chips. just plain, greasy potato chips. it's revolting and i hate myself, but i crave them like a pregnant woman craves bath salts: it doesn't make sense, but you just can't resist.  

midsummer, looking forward: well, there's malta #duh, but that's in september so maybe it doesn't count? if it doesn't, i would definitely say i'm super stoked on laura coming out here. there will be jimmy fallon (fingers crossed), karaoke (lol still do that without her), maybe a paly (i've actually yet to go to a broadway musical...), and lots of food (classic). she better be normal...

midsummer, looking back: i think the best time i've had this summer so far is just sunshine with friends. whether it's philly (the worst) or Rockaway beach (so so) or the hamptons (yaaassss), i've had a lot of good days and i can't even begin to describe how happy that makes me. i feel absolutely liberated, which i know sounds dramatic but, hey, it's me talking. so there's that.

it's been good so far--nay, great. and even though i can't believe it's already mid-july (what?!) i can't wait for what's coming...whatever that may be.

dun dun dun? 

Sunday, July 6, 2014

city of brotherly love

the one (and only, if i can help it) time i went to philly was a pretty memorable one. see my last post if you don't believe me. but i can't pretend it wasn't fun. well, funny? unforgettable? exciting? i can't quite decide on the right adjective. things went down. that's for sure.

the good
it was a beautiful weekend. the sun was out, the sky was blue, the wind kept up on our toes. we were wearing red, white and blue; stars and stripes. i brought my picnic blanket and we had a good time playing games, doing photo shoots, asking stupid/epic would you rather questions, throwing peanut m&ms, and gorging ourselves in a manner befitting an american holiday. 

and then the next day we played tourist. and old town philadelphia is beautiful. the old buildings, the cobblestone roads, the big trees, the horse-drawn carriages of the not-amish. it felt very american. and we definitely enjoyed the backdrop of independence hall. 

and perks of having your bag stolen? bypassing the long security lines. all they ask is "twirl, please." and twirl i did. plus, i got good jumping practice with all our old-timey jumping pictures. 
nailed it. 

we looked good.

and like any good group of twenty-somethings, we danced just right on the line between immature and enthusiastic. so when we found ourselves in front of independence hall, i wanted a picture of me at the front door. because why not? and also duh. so i skipped up the steps and thought lol what if i knock? so i knocked. i made a big show of it, tried opening the front door, pushed down the nob and everything. as you can see, it's been documented.
and then as i walked away, skipping back down the stairs to everyone else chilling in the shade, the doorknob starts rattling and i watch in surprise as this old security guard opens the doors and looks around confused. we start busting up laughing as she comes out to check for...someone. but i wasn't gonna raise my hand. we just laughed, she went back in, and that was the time i doorbell ditched independence hall. 

it's probably the greatest thing i've ever done. 

the bad. 
turns out hotel management don't like letting people into their prepaid rooms if they don't have the credit card to prove they are the ones who prepaid it. #respect, i get it. but waiting for twenty minutes at 2 in the morning for a grumpy manager to grudgingly hand me the keys aint so fun. "DON'T charge anything to your room," they say. and i'm like, please, we ordered in our own pizza, duh. 

well, we were happy to get out of there come morning. so happy we were jumping for joy. 


only problem? we decided in the elevator was the best time to click our heels up. allison was like "jump on three" and 80% of us followed orders. one. two. three. crash. 

the elevator stopped moving and we stopped laughing. 

for about a second. 

half of us thought it was hilarious; the other half, not so much. but we were in stitches, giggling over, one, the tension; two, the fact that it actually happened; three, that of course it happened in philly; four, that we were literally stuck in the elevator. i was slightly panicked we'd be charged some fee--like they have a "you break it you buy it" elevator policy in place. but we made the best of a bad situation by 1) laughing 2) giggling behind our hands when people got annoyed we were actually laughing and 3) taking elevator selfies. (but first, let me take a selfie...)
so how many people does it take to break an elevator? nine. it takes nine. also, allison is the guilty looking one in the top right corner. we blame her. 

when they finally came to open the doors (ten minutes later), we were trying to corroborate a story. just in case. but they forced open the doors--and we'd only made it three feet down the floor--so we just climbed out. they had a worker on hand who started apologizing profusely. like "we are soooo sorry this happened to you. i am sooo sorry. do you need anything? can we do anything for you?" and we just booked it out of there, like, "no worries, we're good. byeee!!" 

"sorry for breaking your elevator" was not mentioned. 

here's them rescuing us. she looks like superwoman and we appreciated it.

the ugly. 
see this post. and imagine me crying with a stuffy nose. the amounts of snot that came blubbering out of me was not insignificant. also, the after photos of my cry face are pretty horrific. we won't show you pictures.  but, hey, the fireworks were awesome. the show was great. and the company was sweet. so i can't complain*  (*but i will). 

the end. 
so philly got a place in my heart, that's for sure. a dark, sad, diseased part of my heart where i store only the most hateful memories. but, hey, it left it's mark. it was a city i knew i wouldn't like, so it made sure that i would not like it the most. Philly: 1532650 Shelby: 0. 

i still feel pretty victorious. i mean, hello, my name is shelby and i survived a weekend in philly. unscathed, no. but stronger. you can't keep me down.


Things that make the fourth fun?
Stars and Stripes. Neil Diamond. Grilled meat. Fruit. Fireworks. General Gluttony.  

Things that make the fourth not fun? 
Getting your purse stolen. 

Yeah, turns out that's a real buzz kill. 

Philly is a real son of a...well, you can imagine. 

There I was, minding my own business, pumped on life. Sure, my original plan had been Boston. But Hurricane Arthur had other plans, managing to opposite-of-postpone the fourth of July spectacular. So my group of friends regrouped and decided on Philly. 

First mistake. 

And we all can guess what happens next. I went off to enjoy the concert, leaving my bag with the group. There were a bunch of bags there, someone in the group was always there. So let's not lay blame; it was just one second  and my bag was taken. Could have been anyone's. It just happened to be mine. 

For a minute I believe that maybe I can find it, that maybe it was buried somewhere and it will just be one of those New Era stories where if I only pray hard enough or sing some hymn, some guilty thief would return my bag to me. 

It didn't happen. 

And after some denial and definitely after some begging, I faced the music and decided there were certain things that needed done. So I called my bank. 

Well, first, let's be real: I hyperventilated hard core. Mostly because I still have the stuffiest nose, so breathing is already hard. So, yeah, I cried. And it got ugly. 

But then I called the bank. 

My credit card company. 

My other credit card company. 

And the other one. 

Turns out, my card was used for gas and a dollar candy at the convenience store. 

Which is just rude: not only did I have a thief, but I had an uncreative one at best. Twenty-five on gas? That's the best you can do? Dream a little bigger, darling. 

It kinda sucks, feeling the rug pulled out from under you and having no real idea how to go about picking up the pieces. I mean, I have no money--and this came after two unforeseen medical bills that already put me in the red zone financially. They took my keys, my metro card, my ID...not to mention my favorite wallet and my best deck of cards (also metro cards) and my key chain from Paris. My tissues (which would have come in handy with all the crying and snot blowing that was happening) and $25 and my headphones and Chapstick and--


Let's be real. That's probably why they stole it in the first place; I literally made it irresistible. Welchs fruit snacks by the dozen. mmm. Can I really blame them? 

Answer: yes, yes, I can. And I wish I had the opportunity to knee him/her/them in the balls while shouting some major profanities because WTF douchebag?! Who ruins Americas day for a lousy $20? You're the worst and your city can just suck it. 

I've had enough of your crap, Philly! 

It was pretty traumatic but I dealt. They only had an hour before I managed to cancel all my cards and alert the banks. So there. I still got to go and listen to Nicki Minaj and Ed Sheeran KILL IT. And then I watched the coolest most expensive fireworks show because #muhrica  So all in all it was a good night. 

...And also a no good dirty awful night that I will never forget. 

You win some, you lose some. And I lost. Big time. 

But, hey, I absolutely love and adore philly! Absolutely nothing can turn me against it! 

(This is a major lie. Philly is the worst.)

So much for brotherly love, #amiright