Thursday, August 22, 2013

finding myself

with this whole "college" thing behind me, it's suddenly become a time of introspection. maybe nostalgia? it's crazy getting all these congrats from high school friends and home ward kinda comes at you fast. like, when did i turn 22? i know i'm not old, but that still sounds like a big number. especially since the last time i really cared about my birthdate i was like...18. so, yeah, four years come fast and they come hard. they packed a pretty heavy punch. and i'm sitting in my room sifting through old photos and wondering at who i used to be. finally, it's sinking in--just how much i've changed. and how weird it is, too. the things that change and the things that stay the same. and i can't exactly explain when or why or how but me now is different than me then. in fact, i feel more me than any version of me has ever felt. and that's a pretty cool thing.

so, me? meet me.

things that stayed the same.
i love chocolate ice cream--i never did buy into the froyo thing. 
puppies are still definitely the greatest creatures known to man. 
i love a good disaster flick. though ever after is still one of the best movies ever made. 
with the above in mind, i'm still a master of movie quotes. 
i love cheesy/blonde jokes. 
i write. all the time. little bits of everything. i still want to be published. i want my name to be google-able. it will happen. 
i love shakespeare and the classics. and i have a soft spot for ya lit. 
i hate driving. still can't drive stick to save my life. 
my family is my favorite.
still have/had no school pride or memorabilia for my time there.  
i can be shy and a little uncomfortable in crowds. i just know now it's called "introversion" and it's not a crime. 
the sarcasm is alive and well. 
i'm fiercely loyal but i ain't no door mat.
i still love to shop. 

things that are different.
i dress better. really.
i love goats now. i don't know when exactly that happened. but it did.
the cupcake craze killed me. nothing better than a nutella crepe cupcake from sweet tooth fairy. 
oh, and the nutella craze in general. though that was mostly europe's fault. 
now i'm a really terrible parker. don't know how it happened, but it did. 
i'm a jay z and eminem fangirl. to a fault. i sing their stuff as if i can relate. 
i took the mpaa rating system age suggestion to heart. fell in love with movies like Slumdog Millionaire, Silver Linings Playbook, even The Grey. there's just something powerful to storytelling and i'm addicted to seeing any and all sides.
i went to london and paris and changed my whole life. reminded myself the world is a big place. and it's fairly pretty, too. 
this means i got comfortable doing my thing in a big city. not scared anymore. bring it on, NYC. just...don't make me cry.  
my writing is much more...more. and less...vapid, shallow, romantical, naive, happy-ending stuff. 
my reading habits pretty much match that trend. 
i'm braver and more brash. once in awhile, though, i'm even known to be bubbly.
i managed to kick the habit of watching the bachelor or ANTM. claps for me; it was a hard fight. never mind it's been replaced by KUWTK.
i'm fiercely loyal but i ain't no door mat. to a new extreme. and yet i'm more openminded too. so there's that.
oh, and my inner feminist came roaring up against all the byu/provo/mormon/utah culture-isms. #getmeoutofhere

so here's to the throwbacks. the changes. the endings and the beginnings. maybe college was worth it after all.
me then. me now. thank heavens for growing pains. #amiright?

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