for the curious few

you may have noticed my posts have been a bit vague about this whole New York thing. this is mostly because i really have no details yet. and, really, it's just after everyone asking if i have a job (more embarrassing, just assuming i've got one figured out and then having to tell them "uhh no") i got sick of explaining the vagueness, letting everyone know i really didn't have it figured out. because then they always had their opinion.

my grandpa told me maybe i shouldn't get rid of old boots until i found new ones. not that i exactly had old boots to begin with.

a friend wondered how i would pay for the city if i didn't even have a place to live or work in the city. it's a catch-22, and i'm working on it.

i thought i was absolutely crazy for getting this wild idea in my head and maybe it'd be best to move home and revert to being a fifteen year old. which is still a tempting proposition.

someone suggested maybe i actually visit said city before i bought that one-way ticket and found myself stuck. yeah, wish i could afford that.

and i took all that advice--good advice, really--and just flat-out ignored it. cuz that's how i roll. but i do have a plan, even if it is a little vague. and general. and dreamy. and maybe even naive. i just...there's really nothing for me here in utah (see previous post) so a move was inevitable. and after some circling around london, la, texas, or dc, i found myself settling in on nyc. you might think this was natural as i have always been drawn to the city and it's been a dream vacation since forever. truth is, i never wanted to live in new york. too loud. too cold. too tall. too big. too far. too rodent-intensive. but here i was deciding, yeah, that's where i should fly off to.

so the plan? i arrive in NYC. my cool cousin (doing cool things like this) and his lovely wife (killing it at Teach For America), let me crash for a few days/weeks at their lovely pad right on Central Park, west side. cuz they're nice like that. i immediately go on the hunt for housing as this is a must. i'll look everywhere but hope for somewhere on the Upper West Side since that is close to where i want to work, supposedly has the best ward, and is easily accessible via public transportation. simultaneously--just to exercise my multi-tasking skills--i look for a job.

i want to work in publishing. that's the goal. anything will do, really, because i love it that much. but trade publishing/fiction/ya/childrens would be beautiful. still, as i fight for that dream, i'll allow my dwindling funds to motivate me to take any job. well, aside from retail or food, since my dignity will never allow that. temp jobs are definitely on my radar. and i have a lovely freelance writing job (anyone looking for a house?) that will also help me keep busy.

so. make it or break it, i'll be in nyc. which seems like consolation enough to deal with...well, pretty much anything.

details as they come.

the end. the beginning. the whatchamacallit.

well, folks. this is it. i'm kinda reeling and it's all sorts of surreal, but it's happening. this is my last day in utah. am i allowed to be happy about that? yes, most definitely. pretty much since my arrival in this place i've only wanted to leave. and now...

no offense.

but seriously.

so this is me today...

...and this is probably me tomorrow.

we'll deal with it on a day-by-day basis. please and thank you.

i love it when things i love get loved

so, not to be all hipster, but...

i totally loved them before they won an emmy.

for those who don't know what it is, it's a beautiful, modern, feminist, wonderful, funny, full-of-beautiful-men-that-still-don't-matter-as-much-as-the-sisters/cousins/friends remake of Pride and Prejudice done--perfectly, i might add--as if through a youtube vlog. if you haven't watched it, watch it. no one has ever started and hated it (and if you're the first, well, just don't tell me).

finding myself

with this whole "college" thing behind me, it's suddenly become a time of introspection. maybe nostalgia? it's crazy getting all these congrats from high school friends and home ward peeps...life kinda comes at you fast. like, when did i turn 22? i know i'm not old, but that still sounds like a big number. especially since the last time i really cared about my birthdate i was like...18. so, yeah, four years come fast and they come hard. they packed a pretty heavy punch. and i'm sitting in my room sifting through old photos and wondering at who i used to be. finally, it's sinking in--just how much i've changed. and how weird it is, too. the things that change and the things that stay the same. and i can't exactly explain when or why or how but me now is different than me then. in fact, i feel more me than any version of me has ever felt. and that's a pretty cool thing.

so, me? meet me.

things that stayed the same.

i love chocolate ice cream--i never did buy into the froyo thing. 

puppies are still definitely the greatest creatures known to man. 

i love a good disaster flick. though ever after is still one of the best movies ever made. 

with the above in mind, i'm still a master of movie quotes. 

i love cheesy/blonde jokes. 

i write. all the time. little bits of everything. i still want to be published. i want my name to be google-able. it will happen. 

i love shakespeare and the classics. and i have a soft spot for ya lit. 

i hate driving. still can't drive stick to save my life. 

my family is my favorite.

still have/had no school pride or memorabilia for my time there.  

i can be shy and a little uncomfortable in crowds. i just know now it's called "introversion" and it's not a crime. 

the sarcasm is alive and well. 

i'm fiercely loyal but i ain't no door mat.
i still love to shop. 

things that are different.

i dress better. really.
i love goats now. i don't know when exactly that happened. but it did.
the cupcake craze killed me. nothing better than a nutella crepe cupcake from sweet tooth fairy. 

oh, and the nutella craze in general. though that was mostly europe's fault. 

now i'm a really terrible parker. don't know how it happened, but it did. 

i'm a jay z and eminem fangirl. to a fault. i sing their stuff as if i can relate. 

i took the mpaa rating system age suggestion to heart. fell in love with movies like Slumdog Millionaire, Silver Linings Playbook, even The Grey. there's just something powerful to storytelling and i'm addicted to seeing any and all sides.

i went to london and paris and changed my whole life. reminded myself the world is a big place. and it's fairly pretty, too. 

this means i got comfortable doing my thing in a big city. not scared anymore. bring it on, NYC. just...don't make me cry.  

my writing is much more...more. and less...vapid, shallow, romantical, naive, happy-ending stuff. 

my reading habits pretty much match that trend. 

i'm braver and more brash. once in awhile, though, i'm even known to be bubbly.

i managed to kick the habit of watching the bachelor or ANTM. claps for me; it was a hard fight. never mind it's been replaced by KUWTK.

i'm fiercely loyal but i ain't no door mat. to a new extreme. and yet i'm more openminded too. so there's that.

oh, and my inner feminist came roaring up against all the byu/provo/mormon/utah culture-isms. #getmeoutofhere

so here's to the throwbacks. the changes. the endings and the beginnings. maybe college was worth it after all.

me then. me now. thank heavens for growing pains. #amiright?

A little thing called family

there's a lot of awful stories about awful in-laws. just not getting along with them to outright hating them, there's always risk involved with adding to the family.

but justin did good. 

miss caitlin mecham boyer is my sister, and I love her to pieces. the fam wouldn't be the same without her.  she brought us she wolf. she understands my love of donuts. she has the most beautiful dog. she does covers of moulin rouge.

honestly, she fits right in.

happy birthday, cait. i love you! 

the distraction in a fingerprint

i wish our skin held memories. imprinted like a tattoo you could brush over and remember. experience again. life is so four dimensional. it's sensory. and yet we only have one way to log memory, limited to language and mental recreation, always only half the story.

but what if we could feel it again? if our skin held onto those sensations. to look at your skin--this web of human experience--and feel it all over? veins bubble at the surface and skin frays in strange ways. but it's seen so much. it's felt so much. we can't remember it all--the first time you touched the velvet of a rose petal; felt an ice cube melt cold against your burning flesh; lit a match and watched the flame dance blue close to your fingers.

we can remember and recount, but it's our skin that has lived every memory. it holds them like scars until you can trace your whole existence across your skin and wonder at what it has seen.

dreamin' aint all it's cracked up to be.

some days are absolutely terrifying with this whole "growing up" thing. how do people figure out life when there's nothing--and i mean nothing--telling you what to do? like...not married, not going to school, not getting any job offers. all i've got is dreams. they're kinda nightmarish, actually. the way they just go on and on, pounding hard, bringing up insecurities, squelching others. and i can't face them all at once.

so.

here's to the city that never sleeps.

see you in september.