Saturday, September 7, 2013

a little soapbox special

i guess this is a thing now. and that's fine or whatever. their thing. i don't care. 

but it got me thinking about feminism. which i'm all for. and it got me thinking about how i really don't fit in with most feminists. which got me riled up. and i was bothered. and then i was sitting here wishing there was someone to vent to, but, oh yeah, i'm alone out here. and then i remembered this blog. and i just had to say...

i don’t get why empowering women has to be so much about trying to be like men. that’s backwards to me. to be a feminist is to believe in the feminine powers—not to discount them and fight instead to be “one of the boys.” 

sure, I don’t want to be my (future) husband’s property or only find meaning through home making and casserole cooking, but I also don’t really care to wear suits and ties or act like--pardon my french--an ass just so men will look past my breasts and accept me into some elite club of masculinity. because, frankly, i don't want any of that. 

i don’t have to wear pants to church to feel like god recognizes me as an individual. and I don’t need the priesthood to feel like a VIP in this gospel.


i want men to get off their high horse of entitlement and women to look up from centuries of traditionalized servitude and think, yeah, i'm a woman and that's not a crime. i can wear a dress, and that's not a crime. i can not want to be the main breadwinner and i can not want to be CEO of some major company--or i can--and that's fine. what's not fine is believing that femininity is an enemy of feminism. or thinking it's your curves or long curls or love of cooking that's holding you back. 

genders aren't inherently evil. they are individually powerful. i love being different from a guy. what i don't love is being treated less than for not being a guy. or using possibly female-inherent qualities as an excuse to disappear into a role behind a man because that's what tradition dictates. 

no, thank you. 

i'm loud and opinionated and passionate. i'm not a very good cook and i tend to hate arts and crafts. but i won't be ashamed to wear dresses or be a mother. i'll never be a housewife--even if i'm a stay-at-home mom. but you know why? because i believe in equality, not uniformity. or homogeneity. or indistinguishability.

to me, identities are inherently individualistic. for both sexes. 

to me, when women scream and yell to be treated like sounds like they're admitting that to be a woman is to be less than. it's buying into the lesser-sex crap. and that's not fair. 

i don't believe in the battle of the sexes. because why does one always have to be at the bottom? men are great. women are great. the gender stereotypes should be more blurred--i believe that. but i'm sick of feminism being about men and masculinity and girls screaming "we can play your game just like you."

to me, that's not what this is about. 

to me, it's about finally recognizing that women are strong. they're individuals. they're each a soul held in a body perfect for them and their dreams. and stereotypes should never be enough to limit anyone. that's the crime here. a woman can't be held back for wanting to be an executive. and a man shouldn't be held back for wanting to be a stay-at-home dad. and it shouldn't have to be such a conversation about who's winning or who's selling out.

women can be who they want, whatever that is. just like men. 

that's what feminism is to me. and so when we get caught up in "breaking" gender stereotypes just by playing into the masculine version...

i guess I don't get it. 

but maybe i like louboutins too much. they really are my weakness. 


  1. Oh thank you thank you thank you. This times a million. I love feminism, but I also love being a female. I want to be a stay at home, I AM a housewife, because I love it. Not because I think that's what I'm supposed to do, or made to do, but because I really enjoy it. Because I've never wanted to be a CEO of any company or work 8-5. But I hate feeling like being a housewife is against feminism. Why does it have to be? I should be able to do anything I want, because that's what equality is! I don't have to be a CEO to be more of a woman. And sometimes I feel like I do. And quite frankly, I don't want to be a man ;) I love that I get to someday birth my babes and sustain them in my body for 9 sweet months. Men are awesome! My husband has talents that I don't have, and I have talents he doesn't have! I am not his property, we celebrate in each others strengths and fill each others weaknesses. I don't feel like I need to be able to do everything he can do to be more of a woman, that's silly! Anyways, now I'm rambling. Women are awesome, men are awesome. You are awesome :)

  2. I don't understand why people want to go to meetings and church anyway, so regardless of patriarchy and whatever, everyone in that article seems crazy confused to me. Like, why look for yet another reason to spend more time at Bad Suit Convention Weekend? Just slip in a tape recorder or get someone to facetime the whole thing or something while you kick back on the couch and do something fun? Very bizarre logic here by those women.

    Also, I happen to detest most women's clothing because it's designed not to be comfortable and unisex, but to be extremely gendered and male-gaze-oriented. You might feel comfortable in that stuff, but I definitely do not. I have always felt very uncomfortable in "women's" clothing, and definitely prefer a more androgynous/masculine-of-center look because I SHOULD BE ABLE TO WEAR WHATEVER I WANT AND NOT BE JUDGED FOR IT!!! I feel powerful and confident in menswear, and very vulnerable and insecure in any sort of skirt or dress. I feel naked and exposed without shorts or pants on. Does that make me anti-feminine? I don't think so. (It's frustrating for me, in my opinion, that I happen to have the so-called "ideal" hourglass curves because it makes fitting into the clothes I like very difficult [regardless of weight, the proportions have always been the same.] I will trade with a more androgynous figure any day. Plus, it will be less awkward and uncomfortable to go running.)

    I don't give a whit about what people wear, but I loathe being forced into gender-normative clothing because I'm a woman.

  3. I think my Husband is better at being a housewife than I am...

  4. I agree with what you've said here. Many are getting caught up in what they "can't" do, rather than focusing on empowering each other and recognizing the majesty that is womanhood. But with most pro-feminist people I know, they get the issues confused thereby playing into the "women-aren't-as-good" argument when they insist on doing as men do because it's usually a gender-specific thing. If someone thinks being able to use a men's room to take a pee is true freedom, they might be a little confused. I think you hit it right on the head!

  5. hummmmmm. well first, i'm not part of the "ordain women" movement. at all. but i'm really good friends with many who ARE part of that movement and from what i know about it, it's not about being like a man, it's about being eager to serve the Lord. you know how priesthood holders give blessings and get to witness baptisms and and sorts of fun stuff to serve the Lord? well some girls are eager to serve the Lord in that way too. it's not necessarily to be the same as men, it's about wanting to serve the Lord.

    second, feminism is not all about being a man. have you heard of third-wave feminism? there was a first wave of feminism in the early 1900s, a second wave of feminism in the 60s-90s, and now we are in the beginning of the third wave of feminism. third wave feminism is all about reclaiming whatever stereotype "feminine" things you want and still calling yourself a feminist. for example, i'm a die-hard feminist, and have been since high school, but i still love makeup, my favorite color is pink, i love dressing up, etc. and i don't want to be a man. i love my gender. but i am simply an advocate for women's rights. and that's okay. because feminism does not mean being a man. it just means having equality.